How to Use Sex Toys With a Partner, From Techniques to Toys
As a sex writer, it’s the question I get asked most: how to use sex toys, from the perspective of a total beginner? Yep, a recent survey confirmed that 16% of people are unsure about which vibrator(s) to choose, while two in five men (40%) have never used a sex toy. But if that’s simply because you don’t know where to start, we like to think we can fix that — and quickly.
Yep, GLAMOUR’s resident sexual wellness writer, alongside a twinset of industry experts, has pulled together a step-by-step guide on how to use sex toys, whether flying solo or playing with a partner.
But first — a quick reminder that sex, masturbation and toy teasing — which we consider a form of self-care — is very (!) good for you. All have a host of mental and physical benefits, including reduced stress, better sleep and a boost in your body confidence. Toy play, specifically, also has its perks, including an introduction to new sensations, possibly a greater understanding of what you like and greater trust between partners. So, read to get techy?
Meet the experts:
What are the benefits of using sex toys?
Maybe you’re not convinced, and that’s okay. Sex toys aren’t for everyone or every couple. But there are a few solid benefits to using sex toys. Firstly, they can be a lot of fun. “Sex is the adult version of the playground,” says licensed clinical social worker Rosara Torrisi. “It’s where we’re allowed to let go and be playful. And with that in mind, you can use anything you want on the playground, including toys.”
Beyond that, plenty of people — especially people with vaginas — require targeted stimulation to have an orgasm. Specifically, clitoral stimulation, with a recent study reporting that 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone. And, thanks to the spike in dopamine that comes with a climax, many often cite reduced stress, better sleep and a boosted mood as side effects. But taking orgasms off the table, sex toys can also offer sensations you might not be able to experience without them.
New releases we’re loving:
Content shot at One Hundred Shoreditch.
A deep dive into the different sex toy types:
Just to make sure we’re on the same page, let’s talk about some of the most common toy types, most of which can be used to supercharge your solo ventures or sex with a partner:
GLAMOUR’s top tips on how to use sex toys:
1. Make sure everyone is on board
The first step in using toys? Ensure everyone involved wants to use sex toys, meaning you’ll need to have an open, honest conversation. Don’t worry if you or your partner has some initial hesitations — there’s still a lot of societal weirdness about using sex toys as a couple, and they may have internalised the narrative that a good partner is supposed to be ‘enough’. Plus, it’s not like sex toys often make an appearance in on-screen sex scenes, or even a lot of mainstream porn.
If you’re both pro-toy, it’s also smart to check you’re on the same page when it comes to safe sex practices. For example, cleaning after every use with a sex toy cleaner, or putting a fresh condom on a dildo before using it with a different partner.
GLAMOUR’s top-rated teasers for 2025:
2. Shop together to build anticipation
If you’re truly a beginner when it comes to using sex toys together, it can be a good idea to familiarise yourself with your options. But browsing together can also provide the perfect opportunity to discuss your sexual interests and fantasies, even doubling as foreplay.
“There can be a complete lack of communication between partners about what they like,” says Torrisi. “To be able to say, ‘hey, let’s use this toy,’ means ‘hey, I like this sort of thing’ or ‘hey, I’m curious about this’.”
